How to Know It's Time to Switch Therapists (and How to Do It With Confidence)
Psychology for Black Girls ·
You Are Allowed to Switch Therapists
Finding a therapist is a significant step toward your mental health journey. However, after weeks or months of sessions, you might find yourself feeling frustrated, unheard, or even stuck. It’s essential to recognize that you are allowed to switch therapists. This decision is common, not rude, and does not signify failure. Therapy is a relationship, and research shows that the quality of this relationship is a strong predictor of therapeutic success. If the connection isn’t right, seeking a better fit is a proactive step toward your healing.
Understanding Discomfort in Therapy
Therapy can be uncomfortable, especially when delving into painful memories or habits you wish to change. However, it’s crucial to distinguish between discomfort that arises from meaningful work and discomfort stemming from a poor fit. When you’re challenged respectfully, it can lead to growth. Conversely, feeling dismissed or misunderstood often signals that the therapeutic relationship isn’t working.
Signs It May Be Time to Switch Therapists
You consistently feel unheard or judged. If your therapist often interrupts, minimizes your concerns, or makes you feel small, that’s a problem. You should leave sessions feeling heard, even during difficult conversations.
Your culture and identity are dismissed. For many Black women and girls, this is a critical sign. If your therapist downplays your experiences with racism or seems uncomfortable discussing your cultural background, it’s time to reconsider.
You spend sessions educating your therapist. While every clinician is learning, if you find yourself frequently explaining basic cultural contexts or defending your experiences, the balance of care is off.
There is no clear direction. Good therapy should have a sense of purpose. If you’re unsure about your goals or progress after several months, it’s worth discussing or considering a change.
You hold back what matters most. If you avoid sharing significant aspects of your life due to fear of judgment, therapy cannot fulfill its potential.
Your needs have changed. A therapist who was once a great fit may not meet your current needs, especially if you require a specialist.
Practical issues keep getting in the way. Frequent cancellations, billing problems, or scheduling conflicts can erode trust and hinder your progress.
Red Flags That Call for Action
Some behaviors indicate serious issues that may cross ethical lines. These include:
Sharing your private information without permission
Pursuing a friendship or romantic relationship with you
Pressuring you to adopt their beliefs
Talking more about their life than yours
Shaming or belittling you
If you encounter any of these behaviors, you don’t need to give the relationship more time. You can end it immediately and consider reporting the therapist to the appropriate licensing board.
Consider Talking About It First
If your concerns don’t involve ethical red flags, it might be worth discussing them with your therapist before leaving. Many therapists appreciate feedback, and addressing issues directly can strengthen the therapeutic relationship. You might say:
“I’ve noticed I sometimes leave sessions feeling unheard. Can we talk about that?”
“It’s important to me that my experiences as a Black woman are part of our work.”
“I’d like to understand more about our goals and how we’ll know therapy is working.”
Pay attention to how your therapist responds. A good clinician will listen and take your feedback seriously. If their response leaves you feeling dismissed, that’s valuable information.
How to End Therapy Respectfully
You don’t owe your therapist a lengthy explanation, but it’s respectful to close the relationship clearly. Some people prefer a final session to reflect on their journey, while others may choose to send a brief message. A simple note could be:
“Thank you for working with me. I’ve decided to continue my care with a different provider who better fits my current needs.”
Consider asking for referrals or a summary of your records to share with your new provider. If you’re on medication, ensure you have a plan for continuity before ending care.
Finding a Better Fit This Time
Reflect on what you need moving forward. Did you desire more structure, warmth, or a therapist who shares your cultural background? Create a list of your priorities and use it during consultations with potential new therapists. Consider asking:
“How do you incorporate culture and identity into therapy?”
“What is your therapeutic approach?”
“How do you handle feedback?”
“What experience do you have with my concerns?”
Trust your feelings during these conversations. If you feel understood and at ease, that’s a positive sign.
Switching Is an Act of Self-Respect
Many Black women are taught to be patient and accommodating, but your mental health care should prioritize your needs. Choosing a different therapist is not an act of ingratitude; it’s a commitment to your healing journey.
If You Need Help Now
If you are experiencing thoughts of self-harm or feel overwhelmed, reach out to the Suicide & Crisis Lifeline by calling or texting 988. You don’t have to wait until you find a new therapist to seek support.
Find a Clinician Who Fits
You deserve a therapist who listens, respects your story, and supports your growth. Psychology for Black Girls connects Black women, girls, and families with vetted Black therapists, psychologists, and psychiatrists, both in person and through telehealth. Browse our directory, read profiles carefully, and reach out to a clinician who feels like the right fit for this season of your life.
